I am fortunate enough to have had 4 grandparents for the overwhelming majority of my life. I feel very lucky to have met and gotten to know them all.  Out of all of them, however I think I spent the most time with my mom’s parents, and specifically my mom’s mom.I grew up only about 20 minutes from her house, and growing up they were quite often my babysitters, or my cousin and I would spend the night there together.

I know I maybe biased, but I think she was the MOST AWESOME grandma ever. When I went to camp, she made sure I got mail, on my birthday, she made sure I got a cake, when I needed a hug she provided that too. Loved going to Grandma’s because I know no matter what they always had soda, cookies, the best sandwich bread for lunch, and great ears for listening.

When I went over for the weekend we’d start out Friday night with either dinner out, or fish (or a hot dog or something else for me.( grandma would ALWAYS make you something separate if you didn’t like what was on the menu that night.) It was then time to watch Golden Girls (which even at a young age I enjoyed), or other TV,or maybe a trip to the hot tub .  Grandpa was always the late night snack provider, offering up cookies, popcorn, or ice cream. It was then time to shuffle off to bed, where I always got a formal tuck in, complete with bed time prayer.  In the morning, she would always be awake before me, I’d pad out to the living room in my PJs (and usually her slippers that were slightly too big for me) to find her sitting in her rocking chair in the living room reading her bible before the day started.

She’d finish her reading, and we’d go and make waffles from scratch. I can still remember the smell her waffle iron made as it heated up. I remember her teaching me how to separate the yolks from the whites.I  partially owe my prowess in the kitchen to these early morning breakfast makings, christmas cookie baking, and pie making missions my grandma helped me with.

I don’t think I ever heard my grandma complain. Not even later on as the cancer was spreading and effected her appetite and ability

to cook and it was my turn to come over and cook my grandparents dinner, not as she lay in the hospital bed in the dining room where we had so many family meals because it was more comfortable and easier to get to than her bed in the back of the house. Never. She always just was at peace with everything life dealt her. She was kind, funny, smart, and talented. Everything I aspire to be.

She was also the one who tried to help me keep a level head when I got too down on myself, or started thinking about what other people did and thought about me too much. She’d say “there’s always going to be someone , taller, smarter, (whatever I’d chosen to lament about) than you, so your only job is to be the best YOU. She passed away two years ago, but  I really wish she could see me now because I know that I’ve become  the best ME that I could imagine and that is in part because of you.

So, and  today on the chat board I frequent there were several discussions on weight/body issues  AND it just happens it  is national Love your body day, I decided to tell the tale of my journey with my body . I, like most women have my own battles and problems with self esteem and body image.

I know they say that as you get older you gain weight. Well, I share not only Monica from friends love of hostessing and planning, BUT  I too was over weight in my youth. I used to be about 60 to 70 pounds heavier than I am now.

When I was younger I used food as a comfort thing, and I really didn’t think much about what was healthy, just what I liked. Food is something you can control. When things felt out of control otherwise, I could control what went into my mouth. In high school and before that meant that I put into it what I thought tasted good.

Witness

When that made ended up making me unhappy with the way my body looked around my freshman year in college, I decided that I wouldn’t put much of anything in my mouth for a while. That worked and I lost some weight, but I realized I was on a slippery slope, got some counseling and saw a nutritionist.  I lost about 25 pounds. I kept it off with in about 5 lbs for years.

Me and (not yet) hubs circa 2006.

After we got engaged, like many women I decided it was time to get on the weight loss wagon again. I had kinda plateaued after my first weight loss about 4 years earlier, and wanted to do more. I know I know, such a product of societal pressure, BRIDES TO BE MUST BE IN TIP TOP SHAPE !!  Even if my reasoning was cliche, I still feel that my weight back then was in the “unhealthy” range, and I know I wasn’t in the greatest shape, so I’m glad I took the path I did and started going regularly to the gym and figuring out healthy foods that I can enjoy on a daily basis so I don’t feel like I’m “dieting” but just eating thing I like.

By my bachelorette party, I looked like this.   I worked out about 4 times a week, made an effort to not eat sugar, or those “white carbs” people talk about. I also made sure to plan meals and snacks so I never was faced with having to make quick choices when hungry.

I’m still always a bit shocked at the size of my clothes when I go shopping, and I still freak out about the fact that it takes A LOT of concentration on my part to make sure that I don’t gain the weight back.  I try really hard to tell myself that I’m healthy and that’s all that matters, but weight is SUCH a LOADED topic, and  unfortunately in our society for better or worse that’s not true.

So here’s to all the ladies struggling daily to find  a balance between health, and loving yourself as your are, between societal pressure,and realistic goals. If you figure it out, please let me know, and if not I’ll keep working on it with you ! Cheers.