It was a bigger undertaking than I think we expected it to be. We followed the instructions from Sunset magazine . We actually came in way under their quoted budget of 179, and spent only about 87 dollars on the materials to build this guy (purchased with a home Depot gift card from X mas, thank you dad ! ) .

It took us a substantially longer time to build than they would lead you to believe, and they mention that a drill isn’t necessary ? UMMMMM I beg to differ. Even WITH a drill we found it a royal PAIN in the you know what to try and get those screws into those big old boards. So I don’t know how anyone working with just a screw driver would be getting those things in, AT ALL. Oh and I also advise if you know you happen to live on a hill, and you happen to plan to grow your veggies down in the lower part of the yard, that you don’t build your raised bed on the top part of the yard, and then have to try and  figure out a way to get it down hill on the fairly narrow steps that lead down to where you plan to grow veggies.  Of course I’m  not speaking from experience or anything, just a thought that you know popped into my head for those who may happen to live on a hill.  ;)

Anyway, so after forcing kindly asking our house guest for the weekend (Hub’s College friend)  to get the bed down the hill with us, I set to work planting. We are now waiting for 6 tomato, 2 bell peppers, 1 egg plant, 2 cantaloupe, and 6 corn plants to mature and feed us tasty goodness this summer.  I think I may  purchase a few more plants too as we have quite a bit more space in the planter box.   I also noticed while I was down there that there is baby ‘cots on my apricot tree !!   VERY excited for stone fruit season !  I looove apricots and peaches… now if only I could get  hubs to eat all this great stuff that will be in our yard… sigh ….

I hope all of our hard work building this will result in stronger healthier plants ! I’ve read that there is many benefits to building raised beds, including, soil temp and moisture levels remain higher, and it’s easier to weed. We shall see ! Anyone wanna come over for dinner say, mid July and help us eat the harvest ?!

So…. last week I went to a signing for Giada DeLaurentis (the author of Everyday italian, and super cute Food Network chef) I heart her, and thought it would be cool to get an autographed copy of her book. I didn’t think it would be a little bit of a pick me up as well. I had been feeling a bit down about the whole adoption thing, in a way.

I had watched an episode of 16 and Pregnant and I had read a book that the agency requires us to read called  Children of Open Adoption, and both of them kinda left me feeling like I was always going to be a “second best parent” to whoever my future child may be. Like no matter how much I will love my future child ( and I have absolutely NO doubt that this will be the case) It will not be enough. It’s not very logical really, but that is how I was feeling. Scared that I would never be able to fill everything my child needs. Scared that if their birth mom doesn’t correspond there will be nothing I can do to calm their fears that they were rejected or not loved, and that my love, no matter how deep will never assuage those feelings. It’s probably a bit irrational to worry now before anything is even happening, but it was on my mind in the weeks before the signing.

So, after it being postponed a week,  I arrived at the Williams Sonoma  store to pick up my pre-odered book. The line was all the way around the block from the store. I was THIS close to deciding to forget having my book signed because I didn’t want to spend who knows how long in line. I quickly got over myself, and remembered all the times when i was younger and slept out  few times for Backstreet Boy tickets and once for  a pair of Jimmy Choos, (true story). So there I am in line, and of course I get to talking to the people in line around me. Because, really what else do you do when you’ have to wait in an absurdly long line ?  The lady directly behind me in line just happened to  have the CUUTEST little  daughter !

She was so patient and so Excited to be hanging out with her mom. She was even singing a little song abuot Giada and about how excited she was to meet her. “Giada, Giada, I cannn’tttt waaaait, Giada Giada make a caaakkee” A-DORABLE. Her mom was telling me that her little girl and her will watch Giada’s show and then they will cook something from it together.  After I got my book signed I got to thinking.

This is really why I want to be a parent. I want to be able to share moments like this with my kids. I want to cook with them, and take them on fun little excursions and watch them get excited . That is what parenthood is (at least partially) about. I may not be doing the birth part, but I can do the Giada signings (or whatever it is) that will make my kids sing about “not being able to wait”, and hopefully those happy memories and times and the other ways we’ll show our children love will get them through whatever rough times they may (or may not) have dealing with adoption issues.

I, of course being all paranoid and slightly nervous and anal added to that list that the stove needed to be run on the self clean cycle, the entire house needed to be vacuumed, the kitchen cabinets re organized, floors mopped, sheets changed, flowers from the garden on the dining table, mantle dusted, toilet scrubbed, cat washed, new tooth brushes, lawn mowed, gutters cleaned, and a fresh reed diffuser in the living room. Maybe half of that actually got accomplished. =) .

Finding something to lock up medicine was a PITA. I originally thought I could just get a tackle box and buy a separate lock. None of the ones I found had latches that would take a lock, so I ended up trying like three different stores searching for something, and ended up getting a fire safe box, and sticking everything in there, but it was a tad small, so some dumping of medicine was necessary.  Between hubs and I we got everything (except for some of the things on my crazy lady list) taken care of the day before our visit.

The next morning, our social worker was right on time. She came in, complimented the house, petted on the kitty,  and we gave her a quick tour. We then sat and chatted for about half an hour. She asked us a few questions about how we were feeling ,  a bit about our plans for the child, asked how we things were with the rest of the process, all in all It wasn’t as interrogative as I’d imagined. We like our social worker, and it was more like just having a chat, so I was surprisingly at ease. I think Husband was too. Later that day we got a copy of the report that will be our “homestudy” it seems so strange to have almost EVERYTHING about you described in one document. Your home, your income, equity in your home, medical history, family history,  your marriage, it is ALL there, in one place. It’s a bit surreal to read what someone else wrote about you. Well, they  write up what you say in interviews and other questionnaires you fill out along with their own observations and legal mumbo jumbo that I’m sure has to be in there. It is quite the document, and I am definitely keeping that thing when we get our final copy, and putting it somewhere safe.

Next up is a Dr. appointment. After that we just have to send in a few random pieces of paperwork, like a copy of our wedding certificate, and wait for final approval and finish our birth mom letter. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming….

The Before We removed the top of the chest which was held on with 6 screws. We then had to remove the 12 billion staples that held the fabric on. This task was NOT fun, as for some reason those little suckers liked their home nestled in the wood.  =(

Once we removed the fabric from the top, we spread it out over the new fabric and used it as a pattern to cut the new fabric.

It doesn’t have to be perfect, as the edges are going to wrap around and be hidden in side the chest.

We then stapled the new fabric onto the top, it was kinda like wrapping a present.
This is the chest top

We then removed the hardware and got to work painting.  I have no schnazzy  photos of this step, but we just used a very fine grain sandpaper first, and the same white paint that is on our ceilings.

ANNNNDDDDDD

HERE IT IS COMPLETED !!  I’m super happy with the results. I’ve never upholstered anything before, and think  and the chest now fits into the decor in my craft cave MUCH nicer ! Thank you to mom for getting me to do this after YEARS of having the HORRID fabric on top!

much smoother than the appointment process. It was quick, painless and they didn’t even get our fingers dirty with ink ! it’s all done with a scanner. Of course I had to document it with photos, since I won’t have any “belly” pics to share, I’m going to have to document every step we have to take to bring this kiddo into our house LOL. Now we really just cant commit any crimes because you know, our fingerprints will totally come up as a match in the CSI database.  ;)

WE HAVE DECIDED TO ADOPT !!!!!!

Yup that is right. After much debate, and some trips to fertility clinics and such we have decided that Adoption is the way the Toomeys are going to expand our little fam !  We just  found our agency and started the process at the end of February. When we first decided this, we needed some info, in a BAD sort of way. I mean everyone knows how get pregnant the traditional way, but when the baby eludes you after the traditional  ”bottle of wine and some lovin”  You discover there is a whole new universe out there to explore on how to become a family. International adoption, Domestic adoption, state foster/adopt programs, Agency, Attorney, facilitator ?! It’s all SOOO much info. We ended up deciding on a domestic agency adoption because we felt like we needed to be guided through the process and liked the idea of having them handle pretty much everything paperwork wise, and having it nice and tidy.  We also decided that an open adoption was what we would be best for us as well. This is when the birthmom picks the family that will adopt the child and sustains some sort of contact through out the child’s life.  it was a little scary to consider at first, because of all of those stories you hear about adoptions gone wrong, and truly feeling like a “parent” as an adoptive parent when the birthmom is around. In the end I think these fears are unfounded. I think it will just add another great dimension of love to our family in the end to have some sort of relationship with our child’s birthmom.

Our first “weekend intensive” weekend was informative. We were a bit nervous going in. You feel like you’re going to be judged by the people at the agency at all times, and a. (or is that just me ?! ) and don’t want to do anything they may think makes you “unfit to parent”  for fear that at any moment they can kick you out  like the soup nazi “no baby for you!!” So we arrived at the offices early in the morning, and went through the general process. In a domestic agency adoption the steps go something like this:

1st: attend info sessions/research like crazy/decide on Agency

2nd: Apply to agency

3rd begin home study and MOUNTAIN of paperwork, write large checks to agency

4th Go into pool of “waiting families” and wait to be matched with a birthmother write more checks

5th match/meet with birthmom write more checks

6th Take baby home

7th finalize adoption write more checks

The home study involves A LOT of paperwork.  You have to give financial information, autobiographical information, medical information/physical, get fingerprinted, let a social worker into your home for a “safety check” If I had a 1st born, they’d probably ask for the kid so we could adopt,  the list goes on. the average time to wait for a baby AFTER all the time it takes to get the paperwork done is about 18 months, so there won’t be little pitter patter at the junction for a while still, which we are ok with.

It is all quite daunting, and at first it ruffles your feathers a bit to be so under a microscope when no one does this inspection on the aforementioned people who have children on the “bottle of wine and some lovin’ plan”. However,  in the end it is in the best interest of the children to have “screened” families, PLUS if this means I don’t have to have morning sic

kness, I guess I have to do SOMETHING that’s not fun in order to get to the end result of child rearing goodness ? Right, right ? Absolutely !

I know I maybe biased, but I think she was the MOST AWESOME grandma ever. When I went to camp, she made sure I got mail, on my birthday, she made sure I got a cake, when I needed a hug she provided that too. Loved going to Grandma’s because I know no matter what they always had soda, cookies, the best sandwich bread for lunch, and great ears for listening.

When I went over for the weekend we’d start out Friday night with either dinner out, or fish (or a hot dog or something else for me.( grandma would ALWAYS make you something separate if you didn’t like what was on the menu that night.) It was then time to watch Golden Girls (which even at a young age I enjoyed), or other TV,or maybe a trip to the hot tub .  Grandpa was always the late night snack provider, offering up cookies, popcorn, or ice cream. It was then time to shuffle off to bed, where I always got a formal tuck in, complete with bed time prayer.  In the morning, she would always be awake before me, I’d pad out to the living room in my PJs (and usually her slippers that were slightly too big for me) to find her sitting in her rocking chair in the living room reading her bible before the day started.

She’d finish her reading, and we’d go and make waffles from scratch. I can still remember the smell her waffle iron made as it heated up. I remember her teaching me how to separate the yolks from the whites.I  partially owe my prowess in the kitchen to these early morning breakfast makings, christmas cookie baking, and pie making missions my grandma helped me with.

I don’t think I ever heard my grandma complain. Not even later on as the cancer was spreading and effected her appetite and ability

to cook and it was my turn to come over and cook my grandparents dinner, not as she lay in the hospital bed in the dining room where we had so many family meals because it was more comfortable and easier to get to than her bed in the back of the house. Never. She always just was at peace with everything life dealt her. She was kind, funny, smart, and talented. Everything I aspire to be.

She was also the one who tried to help me keep a level head when I got too down on myself, or started thinking about what other people did and thought about me too much. She’d say “there’s always going to be someone , taller, smarter, (whatever I’d chosen to lament about) than you, so your only job is to be the best YOU. She passed away two years ago, but  I really wish she could see me now because I know that I’ve become  the best ME that I could imagine and that is in part because of you.

I know they say that as you get older you gain weight. Well, I share not only Monica from friends love of hostessing and planning, BUT  I too was over weight in my youth. I used to be about 60 to 70 pounds heavier than I am now.

When I was younger I used food as a comfort thing, and I really didn’t think much about what was healthy, just what I liked. Food is something you can control. When things felt out of control otherwise, I could control what went into my mouth. In high school and before that meant that I put into it what I thought tasted good.

Witness

When that made ended up making me unhappy with the way my body looked around my freshman year in college, I decided that I wouldn’t put much of anything in my mouth for a while. That worked and I lost some weight, but I realized I was on a slippery slope, got some counseling and saw a nutritionist.  I lost about 25 pounds. I kept it off with in about 5 lbs for years.

Me and (not yet) hubs circa 2006.

After we got engaged, like many women I decided it was time to get on the weight loss wagon again. I had kinda plateaued after my first weight loss about 4 years earlier, and wanted to do more. I know I know, such a product of societal pressure, BRIDES TO BE MUST BE IN TIP TOP SHAPE !!  Even if my reasoning was cliche, I still feel that my weight back then was in the “unhealthy” range, and I know I wasn’t in the greatest shape, so I’m glad I took the path I did and started going regularly to the gym and figuring out healthy foods that I can enjoy on a daily basis so I don’t feel like I’m “dieting” but just eating thing I like.

By my bachelorette party, I looked like this.   I worked out about 4 times a week, made an effort to not eat sugar, or those “white carbs” people talk about. I also made sure to plan meals and snacks so I never was faced with having to make quick choices when hungry.

I’m still always a bit shocked at the size of my clothes when I go shopping, and I still freak out about the fact that it takes A LOT of concentration on my part to make sure that I don’t gain the weight back.  I try really hard to tell myself that I’m healthy and that’s all that matters, but weight is SUCH a LOADED topic, and  unfortunately in our society for better or worse that’s not true.

So here’s to all the ladies struggling daily to find  a balance between health, and loving yourself as your are, between societal pressure,and realistic goals. If you figure it out, please let me know, and if not I’ll keep working on it with you ! Cheers.