Why I’m doing this

Why I’m doing this

This is a bit late, because I thought I had scheduled it to be posted, but .. apparently that didn’t quite work out so well. So without further ado… I present to you a post from about three weeks ago….  =)

So…. last week I went to a signing for Giada DeLaurentis (the author of Everyday italian, and super cute Food Network chef) I heart her, and thought it would be cool to get an autographed copy of her book. I didn’t think it would be a little bit of a pick me up as well. I had been feeling a bit down about the whole adoption thing, in a way.

I had watched an episode of 16 and Pregnant and I had read a book that the agency requires us to read called  Children of Open Adoption, and both of them kinda left me feeling like I was always going to be a “second best parent” to whoever my future child may be. Like no matter how much I will love my future child ( and I have absolutely NO doubt that this will be the case) It will not be enough. It’s not very logical really, but that is how I was feeling. Scared that I would never be able to fill everything my child needs. Scared that if their birth mom doesn’t correspond there will be nothing I can do to calm their fears that they were rejected or not loved, and that my love, no matter how deep will never assuage those feelings. It’s probably a bit irrational to worry now before anything is even happening, but it was on my mind in the weeks before the signing.

So, after it being postponed a week,  I arrived at the Williams Sonoma  store to pick up my pre-odered book. The line was all the way around the block from the store. I was THIS close to deciding to forget having my book signed because I didn’t want to spend who knows how long in line. I quickly got over myself, and remembered all the times when i was younger and slept out  few times for Backstreet Boy tickets and once for  a pair of Jimmy Choos, (true story). So there I am in line, and of course I get to talking to the people in line around me. Because, really what else do you do when you’ have to wait in an absurdly long line ?  The lady directly behind me in line just happened to  have the CUUTEST little  daughter !

She was so patient and so Excited to be hanging out with her mom. She was even singing a little song abuot Giada and about how excited she was to meet her. “Giada, Giada, I cannn’tttt waaaait, Giada Giada make a caaakkee” A-DORABLE. Her mom was telling me that her little girl and her will watch Giada’s show and then they will cook something from it together.  After I got my book signed I got to thinking.

This is really why I want to be a parent. I want to be able to share moments like this with my kids. I want to cook with them, and take them on fun little excursions and watch them get excited . That is what parenthood is (at least partially) about. I may not be doing the birth part, but I can do the Giada signings (or whatever it is) that will make my kids sing about “not being able to wait”, and hopefully those happy memories and times and the other ways we’ll show our children love will get them through whatever rough times they may (or may not) have dealing with adoption issues.

3 Comments On This Topic
  1. StefK says:

    I love this. So, so beautifully written. You will be such an amazing mom, and your children will love you so very very much. xo.

  2. Cala-Dece says:

    You’re so awesome Cara, I have no doubt you will be an awesome Momma and your child will feel the love, do not fear. xoxo (I swear I’m not trying to copy you Stef!)

  3. cara says:

    aww thank you both ! I wasn’t quite sure how to word those feelings of insecurity, and I’m glad it seems to have come across correctly. =)

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